I lie. I admit it. Sure, most are little "white lies" that I have convinced myself make life easier for
myself and more gentle on others. (Do I really want to tell my mother that I don't like the shirt she bought me for Christmas? No. (See, there I go again — I'm lying — I actually would enjoy telling my mom the truth. But the reason is purely selfish: It might stop her from buying me unnecessary things. (I'd rather have her spend her money on herself. Alas, I understand Christmas is more about giving than receiving — or, at least, it is supposed to be — so I happily smile along and thank her for her "thoughtful" gifts.)
This long introduction is just my way of introducing Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman's wonderful 2009 book, "Nurture Shock," which I'm currently reading. I recently finished Chapter 5 on "Why Kids Lie" and I have found myself unlearning.
Here are just a few of the nuggets I've uncovered:
1. People can't tell when kids are lying. Neither can parents. (If a parent says they can tell when their kid is lying with a high rate of accuracy, they're lying!)
2. Kids learn to lie earlier than most people realize, and once they start lying they don't stop. (See above: I'm case example #1)
3. Related to number #2, kids don't grow out of lying, "they grow into it."
4. Lying is an advanced skill and it is related to intelligence. (You won't, however, catching too many parents bragging about their kid's ability to lie.)
5. If you want to keep your child from lying, you'd be better off reading George Washington and the Cherry Tree instead of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
6. Another strategy to stop your child from lying: Tell them that "telling the truth" will make you feel better.
7. Kids learn lying from loving and well-intentioned people: Their parents!
If you want to learn — or should I say unlearn — more, I encourage you to pick up the book. It'll be well worth your time. Honestly, I'm not lying.
Related Post
Unlearning Intelligence or Why You'd Shouldn't Tell Your Kid S/He is Smart
